If howley had a blog, it would suck.

Well I hope you enjoyed the last post. Every so often I'll do that sort of thing. Watch out.

This post is not about time or space

I'm not sure what its about yet, but by the end of it I'll have a pretty good idea of what I wasted my time on. I had crab cakes tonight and I have to say, crab cakes are quickly becoming my new favorite food. Crab cakes are just delicious. The sauce that they put on them, be it a cousin of horse radish or something alltogether more pink, is worthy of praise.

But in more important news, do you want to know the way to cure hiccups? I'm sure you've heard 10 different ways by now. Maybe jump on your left foot and hold your nose? Maybe scare someone?

Well today is your lucky day because I've tried this next method about 6 times and it has worked EVERY time. That's right. You don't need to pay me for the information I'm about to give you, all you need to do is let me know if you try it and it works. Because it will. And then you will officially be my disciple. And/or minion, depending on how you look at it.

Heres the trick:
**hiccup** get water ready. You will most likely need a volunteer. Hold your nose and ears. Try doing this now just so you know how it works, I like to put my pinkies on my nose (one from each side, a 'double-team' if you will) and then my thumbs in my ears. You've now eliminated variables and are ready to be cured **hiccup**.

step two. hold your breath. now have someone give you water. drink the water. and behold, hiccups are gone.

I'll tell you why this works.

Believe it or not, your throat has two tubes in it. The esophagus and the trachea. one goes to your stomach, the other to your lungs.
air goes down one tube and food goes down the other. it sucks if you mix up which is which. the body does this by using a flap called the epiglotis. that is either over one or the other, depending on what you are doing. but you breathe all the time, you know? well i dont care if you know or not, you breathe all the time, damnit.
your brain tells your throat "shit! hes breathing, flap over" and then "ok hes gonna swallow, flap back" and so on. Thats a lot of communication. When you ge the hiccups, your brain is fucking up that signal.

Basically, your brain is saying "swall-breath-ow" and you are like **hiccup** what the fuck.

So you need to get scared, that works.. because your brain is like SHIT! oh, its cool... swallow-breathe-swallow and basically you restart.

The move I just explained essentially restarts the signals. It says "SWALLOW DAMNIT". Holding the breath is key.

Try it out, let me know
It works

Interesting patterns

Music is pretty interesting stuff. Don't pretend like you are beyond contemplating how interesting a subject it is. You aren't. You listen to music, you enjoy it.. you should ask yourself why.

Well let's break it down a bit. We know when something sounds good versus something sounding awful. Something about the relationships between the notes.

What's really neat though, is if you look for patterns, as people who like math tend to do, you can find them very easily with music. All of the stuff that sounds nice sounds that way because the notes being played are related to eachother in very quantifiable ways. I'm pretty sure when you play something 'in the key of X', that you are playing with essentially the same relationships, only beginning at a different point, X.

Its all very neat how mathematics is everywhere. I'm no mathematician, but its amazing that people were able to figure some of this stuff out. Like Newton, for example. Guy had to be a genius. His ideas behind the forces of the universe, y'know, physics, are essentially still in use today. Granted he was only talking about macroscopic stuff, like my open hand slapping your face.. his ideas are still 100% accurate. It's only when we start talking about things way too small to be seen by the human eye that his equations start to break down.

But for god sakes, the guy invented calculus!

To let this stream keep moving, because thats how stream of conciousness writing is supposed to work, I think time is very interesting. Aside from the fact that we all know what it is but find it basically impossible to describe it or define it. It is interesting how time operates on different levels of reality.

Let me explain. We exist in a world where we like to refer to units of time by seconds, minutes/hours more frequently, and years when we talk about lots of time. The point is that we exist in this time frame, I mean, after all we are only alive for 80 years or so. But when you zoom in really close to things, where things exist as the same moment we do (and, in the case of our cells, ARE us), we see that the perception of time on that level is far different than ours. Things happen in milliseconds. Fractions of a second pass and basic functions happen, like ions flooding into and out of membranes. This stuff happens so fast, its almost hard to imagine. And then when you zoom out and look at galaxies, the lifetime of stars, etc. We are talking about BILLIONS of years. And yet it all exists simultaneously to create a single reality.

No, I'm not taking acid. These are just topics that are interesting to think about, when reflecting on time.

The next time you look up at the moon on a clear night, try to imagine what you know is true. It spins around the earth, the earth spins around its axis, and soon the sun will come into your vision. The earth spins around the sun. This is all basic stuff that you know is true... but when you imagine it happening, I'm betting that you imagine it in time lapse. Try to wrap your head around the idea that at that very moment, as you are looking at the moon... all that stuff IS happening. It may look like a picture to you, but you are spinning. The earth is moving around the sun. Its all very neat. This happens and yet it exists in such a different time frame that we can only identify the fact that any change is occuring at all because we have the abillity to remember things and notice patterns.

Ok, trippy post. Deal with it.

But the next time someone says something to you. try to imagine whats really happening, or what we think is happening. The person is forcing the air molecules to move in a recognizable pattern, this pattern is a wave that moves the air in all directions (well, mostly just out of the mouth) these vibrations move into your ear (designed nicely for wave-catching) vibrating your ear drum, which vibrates three bones that are used to amplify the sound, which shakes some fluid in your inner ear which sends signals to your brain.

It's all very interesting.

Things you should do

Ignore the fact that I'm wearing a full body suit of long underwear.

I've been listening to radiohead all day. I even dissected a rat spine while listening to OK Computer. Do you want to know why? Because torrents rock.

Torrents allowed me to get the entire discography of radiohead in the time it took me make dinner. And all I made was pasta. God loves the internet.

Speaking of God, check out 9 of the most badass bible verses . Pretty funny stuff.

very sneaky, moses. very sneaky indeed

So here is a real problem I have. It's about college kids who go to college but don't want to learn. I just don't understand it. I guess it is the next thing to do after highschool, y'know.. go to college. But I'm sure you've had this conversation before:

You: Hey man, what's going on?
Lametard: Nothin dude, I've got this stupid psychology paper to write.
You: Oh yeah, what's it about?
Lametard: I dunno, it's such a dumb class I hate it, I don't even pay attention to it. I just like to get blackout.
You: That's cool. What's your major, anyway?
Lametard: Psychology

See the issue? People go to college and don't care about what they are studying at all. They have majors that they aren't interested in. It's so silly to me. Why don't they persue an interest? Sure employers want to see a degree, but I think idiot-face might enjoy life a little more if he tried to do something that interested him instead of something that doesn't--and then focusing on drinking so much alcohol that he is officially unconcious.



Not that I'm against drinking. I'm just against it as a profession. As a major. As a concentration. I doubt you'll put the longest beruit streak that you've had in your resume.

But on the subject... If you do play beruit, you should bounce. Its terrible how few people bounce. It is the most satisfying accomplishment in alcohol-related sports. It's the equivalent of a head shot. A sack wack. Or scaring someone by jumping out from behind something. Bouncing is superior. Try it more often.


You want to know what else you should do? You should skydive. Honestly, it is the most surreal thing I've ever done. I'm constantly impressed by the things humans have done. The fact that I can get up that high, first of all, is unbelievable. But being able to jump from that height and not die? Ridiculous. Human's get so incredibly ill. That's not to say that other organisms aren't fiendish in their own right. I couldn't make honey, bees can. I couldn't maul your face off, bears could. I couldnt jump onto the top of the kitchen counter, cats can. But can a cat make an iPhone? Naw. Humans are amazing, I'm glad I'm one of them.

Its pretty neat how technology evolves. I think we probably owe our accomplishments to the fact that information can be stored. Like someone had a good idea and they wrote it down. So someone else built off of it. Ifso facto, I'm your boss.

And finally, you should crack your toes. If you crack your fingers then thats great. But cracking toes, in my oppinion, is superior. Cracking toes not only brings your lower extremities in from relative isolation, allowing you to develop a relationship with your feet (many people 'hate feet', these people are silly and the majority of their opinions should be disregarded). It is also more satisfying to crack your toes. A good crack coming out of such a small place, like your pinky toe, is deep and meaningful. Eventually you can just crack your toes by pushing your foot against the ground, a wall, or a loved one at the right angle. But I definitely suggest isolating each toe and seeing where it takes you.


And like that,
Hes gone

A post in honor of..

Today we received a comment. Granted the comment was pseudo asked for, it is a comment none the less. And thus, commence celebration.


In other news I just returned from the gym. I realized something this time though. People who run on treadmills simply don't understand. Why would you run on a treadmill when you can run around a track? Or on a nice day run outside. This baffles me for a number of reasons. Shall I continue? Of course.

For one, when you are on a treadmill you really aren't going anywhere.
Obvious, I know... but is it really? I mean, what do these people really think they are doing. Getting exercise, sure. But why opt for going nowhere when you can at least actually run on the ground.

If you are running to train for something then it makes even less sense to run on a pseudo-springy plastic-ish sheet (treadmill). Why would you train for running on the ground by running on some device. Its clearly a trap (its a trap!). I don't get it. I ran today on a track for the first time when I could have ran on a treadmill easily.

Benefits to running on a track:
-You get to run past things. Like poles. Poles come into your visual field, get closer to your face, then quickly disappear behind you. Success.
-You get to run around dynamic objects, like people and basketball courts.
-Instead of watching a red dot move around a track, you actually get to move in a similar fashion. This allows you to gain a feeling of accomplishment when returning to arbitrary beginning.

Now clearly if given the option, run outside. But certainly do not run on a treadmill. That is just ludicrous.

Also, listen to Radiohead's "Hail to the Thief" album. You probably have already. If you haven't, you should.

And here are a few shout outs to people who really need to listen:
Jeff Hyde: your blog needs some updating, make it happen
Roy: I'm cutting you some slack but step up your game because you are running out
Davesplat: As you were.

Something else that is very underrated. Tight pants. Try it out sometime, I'm telling you if I wasn't a slave to society I would probably rock the tight pants more often than never. Why? I'll tell you.
For halloween I decided to be amazing. I was amazing on two separate occasions in two separate ways.

Method della amazing #1:
I was a greaser. As in grease, as in tight pants. I had a pack of smokes in my sleeve and a 6 pack of budweiser diesels. Also slick hair, a lighter, and a harmonica. I dont smoke cigarettes or play the harmonica. But here are a few ways in which greaser mark is better than non-greaser mark.
I was a badass. That's right. I smoked cigs, I lit peoples cigs, I gave cigs out, I snapped my finger and pumped my leg to the music. My package was more than exposed via tight pantaloons. It was excellent. In fact, I was outside and cops showed up. People scrammed. Jumped the scene. You know what I did? I pulled a cigarette out and lit it, cracked a beer and sat down waiting for the cops to come to me. Thats right. Dont fuck with greaser mark cause hes bad. I talked to the cops, drank my beer, and all was well.

Method del amazing numero dos:
I was boba fett. You heard me. F'ing boba fett.

It took a little while to make but that just solidifies the fact that on halloween i was particularly amazing. A trend I wouldnt continue.

In short, wear tight pants whenever given the opportunity, always smoke and drink in front of cops, and pretend to be fictional characters.

In related news... toys r us no longer sells star wars blasters. Apparently they are too realistic. That's like not selling the easter bunny because it is too similar to what the easter bunny actually looks like.

OK. Peace

A bad time to post

Note to self: In my room, at 11:15am, the sun shines directly in your face.
Seriously, if I wasn't wearing a hat right now I wouldn't be able to see anything except very high intensity elecromagnetic radiation.

I think it is pretty sweet that we have decided to go with "electromagnetic radiation" to describe light. I'm pretty excited about it at least.

So i just sat down and plotted out my 3 week plan. Turns out I have about 17 days until I'm on break again. But this 17 days isn't any old 17 day timespan. This is like the sprint that runners do at the end of the race. Yeah, sure, you are tired. Sure, you've been at it for a while now. But you know what? You've got to sprint anyway. So that's what I'm hoping to do.

...after this nap.

Just like I'm going on a diet after I eat these chicken wings. Diets are nice. Some people don't know what the hell they are talking about though. Like for example, the 'healthy option' at burger king is just a whopper sans buns. Like the bun was the worst part. I'm no Dr. Atkins but I think its pretty clear that the inside isn't exactly a fresh vegetable.

But about McDonalds and Burger king... I think they get a bad rep. I mean, granted you probably shouldnt eat their food... you shouldn't pass up burger king and go to the outback and get a bloomin onion or whatever. I think that most of the shit you order is worse for you than a whopper. Like a steak and cheese sub has got to be worse for you than a double cheeseburger. Say what you will, I think Mcd's and BK are under so much steam because they put their nutritional information right there on the wall. Whereas other places dont even know what they are giving you. BK just does it better, and they do it in china too.

With that said, I'm still going to be getting the buffalo finger and I'm still going to be dipping it in bleu cheese. And I'm going to spell blue b-l-e-u. I'm not going to spell theater t-h-e-a-t-r-e because i'm not shakespeare but bleu makes me feel a littlemore sophisticated. And I pretend that I say it differently too, even though I'm sure its the same.

When I say blue vs bleu. The sky is blue, the cheese is bleu.
I guess i say it a little different. The sky is bloo. The cheese is blew.
You catchin what I'm throwin?

Alright. I'm out **high five to davesplat**
wicka wicka wicka wild wild west

Noticing a pattern

Don't get used to me only posting on fridays and mondays. I'm not trying to make a habit out of it. But since I am noticing the pattern, lets just think of this blog as a sandwich. Saturday and sunday being inside of the sandwich. If you follow. If you don't thats fine too, I probably just like sandwiches too much.

So today I travelled from north carolina to burlington vermont. That means I woke up this morning on an inflatable mattress surrounded by childrens toys in Waxhaw, North Carolina. It was 5:30 am and I had to shake all of my clothes to make sure that there werent any snagged GI Joes, princess mirrors, or legos. I proceeded to use almost every form of transportation known to man. In the following order:

Rent-a-car
Airplane
Fast moving treadmill thing
Escalator
Bus (propane powered)
Bus (electric powered)
train
Bus (octane powered)
Personal automobile (automatic)
Personal automobile (standard)

At 10pm I got back to my apartment.

oh the tradegy that is short blog entrys.

With a little extra gravy

Happy Thanksgiving everybody. I'm sorry I ditched you for a few days but I'm sure you'll be able to forgive me somehow. It was a great thanksgiving on my end, I flew down to North Carolina to my sister's place. But this post isnt about thanksgiving, because that's not exactly what I'm thinking about.

This post is about travel luggage. On the way here I saw a very sweet asian girl dressed very casually. Just your typical college student. Nothing fancy. A sweater, a pair of sneaks, you know.. clothes. But heres the thing. She had two bags with her. One was a primo lous vuotton bag. LV all over it. It didn't even look nice. It was big and I just knew it was expensive, maybe like a christmas gift or something. But get this, the other bag was a trash bag.

What the hell? Why would you spend all this money on a louis voutton bag if you cant afford anything else besides it. Get two bags for cheaper or something. It baffled me. I dont think having that "great" bag cancels out the fact that its riding shotgun to a trashbag with yellow tie straps for easy disposal.

I saw a movie last night. This isnt a movie review. Its a movie theater review. Actually, to be more accurate, it is a review of all movie theaters everywhere.

Why can't I get a fucking cup of ice water? I'm a human, if I dont have water I die. I don't want any of your bottled water. I trust taps, I like ice, and I like drinking out of cups. I want a massive cup of ice water, but ive never been able to get it. Everytime, at every theater, it happens the same way. Can I have a cup of ice water please? **weird looks** I'm sorry we cant do that. We can give you this.. is this ok? It's a dixie cup. I can barely squeeze two ice cubes in there.

The only way to do it is to buy the big cup for 4.50 and get it filled. Bullcrap.

I'm starting to think that popping pimples is a bad idea. Blood comes out at the end, and then it scabs. Why is a scab better than a pimple? I dont think it is. I mean, in all seriousness I'll probably pop the next pimple I get, I just think that its counterintuitive. Bacteria on your hand gets into your cut and it gets infected. Its just a bad idea on all fronts. I guess I do it because what I really want to do is just say 'fuck you' to the pimple on my face. Fuck you, pop. Fuck you, squeeze. And I can do it, I'm stronger than it, and I have fingers. But the pimple always gets the last laugh. And when its gone you know what? I'm barely grateful. I think I completely forget ever having the battle. Such is life.

So I'm downloading the new gOS. I think its great for people who dont know how to use computers and/or dont need the computer to do very much besides online stuff. Check it out here. I think its going to be awesome but I'll let you know.

In other news, my niece is so cute. Absolutely adorable. Cutest little girl ever.

In even other news. Watch curb your enthusiasm, Its incredible. The latest season is unstoppable.

But heres what you should do with your thanksgiving leftovers, because this should involve turkey somehow.
Get a small bowl and mix up 2 parts cranberry sauce with 1-1.5 parts mayo. Mix it up real good with a spoon and spread it on some bread, damnit. Then put your turkey on top of that. Take your time here, if the bread is toasted its better but take your time laying down the turkey groundwork. Carefully select your pieces and place tetris-style. Then put stuffing on top of that. Close the sandwich and enjoy. Its delicious and you are probably doing something like it. Experiment with potato chips, mashed potatoes, gravy, peas, etc. Remember, its thanksgiving until the turkey is gone.

Chedder out

brainspam - my family thinks I dont exist - pimp heart - dogs and cats

Here comes the stream.

So I'm making this video for my mom's 50th birthday. It's a slideshow, essentially, but I'm doing it with final cut so that I have a lot more control over it. My sister sent me about a million pictures of our family and I just noticed something (I'm about 80% finished, just a few more sections left). I'm not in the pictures.

I mean, I'm in some of them. But I don't think I have any solo pictures and certainly no baby pictures. I figured, alright, so what. A little weird but I can just scan some pictures in. So I go to the album cabinet... all my albums are gone too. I'm pretty sure I exist, so this is mildly confusing to me. Anyway her birthday is soon so this needs to be remedied.

I like that term, remedy, used as a verb. Remedy as a noun is lame unless you are talking about apothecaries or alchemists or spooky witch doctors. Remedy as a verb is badass. It is pimp status. As seen in the movie braveheart, "well thats something we'll have to remedy," he says, as he spits game all over that girl on the mountain top. Good flick.



I'm about to head up to my home town and get my run and my dog walk on. I highly recommend watching the dog whisperer and/or reading books regarding dog psychology. Its really neat stuff, dogs are incredible. Might as well outline my understanding of the animal..

Dogs are pack animals. In nature, they live and hunt in packs. There is always an alpha male. This dog runs the show, he walks confidently in the direction that he thinks is best and the other dogs follow. This dog asserts his dominance by being the biggest or the strongest but he also most likely makes the best decisions for the group. (He also gets the bitch). In nature, dogs are always moving, they walk all the time... the reason you should walk your dog everyday, if you don't you are a big jerk and should find a way to make it happen.

So dogs follow humans, why? Dogs are pack animals, humans become their pack. Dogs are very perceptive though, they read into the way you say or do things more than what you are saying. For instance, if you are a little bitch, aren't confident, and are always fiending for your dogs attention... then guess what? Your dog will not see a dominant leader and will attempt to fill the position. This is why dogs bite, growl, and basically do anything else that is unacceptable. In the dogs mind, it is the leader. The thing is, dogs like having a leader to follow, thats why they are such great animals. You can be dominant and benevolent, in fact, if you are an ass then you are just going to cause more problems.

But if you are confident and kind, but give your dog discipline... he will love and follow you until the end of his life. Dogs are amazing animals, they just need someone to follow.

So check out that show, the dog whisperer. Cesar milan is very talented and understands how dogs work really well.




Cats, on the other hand... I'm not against cats. They are really cute and equally awesome in their own way. It just has nothing to do with the way dogs operate or view the world. Cats are hunters. You put a cat out in the streets and itll find a way to survive because it views the world as a skeptic. A skeptic with amazing dexterity. Cats have their own plans. They sneak around, they'll take a rub down if they are in the mood, and theyll go about their business.



Thats not to say they cant be trained. Cats are very intelligent. I saw a video online once of some guy teaching a cat to press a button. Taught the cat very quickly. Aha! I found it.. Here's the video

Dolphins, though... you know what. I'm not even going to start talking about dolphins now. You are going to have to wait. Dolphins are absolutely amazing and they win my award for "Favorite animal".

They'll get their own post.

In other news. Davesplat.blogspot... the name is hard to type even, let alone say. well done. Yea in other news davesplat mentioned the birth of observerparticles in his latest post. And we make our official debut to the web. Congratulations to myself.

And now the day must begin moving forward in a productive way.
Cheers
Chedder out

a bit on a neat experiment

This is a pretty neat article about robot cockroaches. It's actually a science experiment that is peformed to examine the group dynamics of communities of cockroaches.

I think it is pretty neat how they tricked the cockroaches into thinking these little machines were one of them. Apparently, as far as humans are aware, cockroaches operate in a predictable manner following three perceivable rules:

1) Move around randomly
2) hang out more frequently in dark areas
3) hang out near other cockroaches

In order to trick the cockroaches the robots were made to 'smell' like cockroaches, and then they were perceived as such. Very interesting... imagine looking at our world with a perception like that. Its very hard for me to imagine. These cockroaches are certain that these robots exists as a cockroach because it is what they perceive. The true nature of the robot is far beyond their comprehension.

Makes me wonder what things are far beyond human comprehension, yet we are so certain they exist as we perceive them. If you follow me.

Neat article, anyway. And I just discovered npr.com offers free streaming audio bits. I'll be cruising npr a little bit more often I suspect. That is, if digg.com isnt reeming out my brain already.

Chedder out

And to you, sir

Let's see how long I can keep this up, eh?

The aptly named davesplat.blogspot (try saying it fast, not easy) is responsible for getting me on here. Apparently dave types as he thinks, whatever it happens to be, and posts it without any filtration. brain spam, skipping thoughts, dave splat.


So I figured I'd give it a shot. You know, apparently if you do something like this all the time, even in a journal or something, writing stream of consciousness is supposed to be good for creativity. A kind of exercise for the right side of your brain. That hemisphere of your brain thinks more holistically than the left side. The left side is more quantitative and analytical.

Meditating is supposed to be great for you too. I think davesplat said something about starting up the habit. Apparently it just makes you very aware of what some people call "here-now". Basically living in the moment in every sense of the phrase. It's tough to do that sometimes when I'm just going through life and almost reacting subconciously. Every now and then I become completely aware, but its usually when things are quiet or when I'm looking at something amazing.

Meditating brings you there and allows you to stay there for longer, apparently. I'll have to try it.

Hypnosis is very neat too.

This is what confuses me, though. They say driving is a state of hypnosis. Alright. They say watching a movie is a state of hypnosis... eh, I'm not sure I completely agree with that one. I assume they (no, I don't know who 'they' are) mean to say something like, when you watch a movie... you become persuaded into letting your conciousness fall entirely into a particular activity or object (a movie, in this case) and you sort of leave your body in a way. That is to say, you become less aware of your physical body and surroundings.


... so what are you focusing on when someone 'hypnotizes' you? I doubt the hypnotist's watch is really that interesting. There has to be somehting else going on. I've heard that a hypnotist only 'convinces' you and that you want to do the things in the first place. I have no problem agreeing with that one, it seems logical, but it seems different than what is happening when you watch a movie.

And with driving, that makes perfect sense. How often do you *really* think about what your hands and feet are doing when you drive a car. Or when you play halo or something? Your body moves and yet you exist somewhere else entirely seperate from your body. You become unaware of your body's actions. Whats the difference if your bodys actions happen to be moving two plastic sticks around and pressing buttons or acting like a chicken?

The thing that gets me is... where is your mind existing when you are being hypnotized?? Very neat. very neat indeed.

Probably cooler than magicians/illusionists. Not to say that that stuff isnt equally or more impressive, but just that--as I dont really believe in magic, (or at least.. not that david blaine has the ability to harness it)--its really just creative engineering and sleight of hand. i'm impressed by an illusionists awesome ability to be a creative pickpocketer. A rogue, even. They get incredibly ill on devising awesome ways to trick people into being so sure something happened in a particular way.


Cool, but not as perplexing as hypnotism.

Alright, Thats enough stream from this conciousness.
Cheers to davesplat.blogspot
tip 'o the hat.

chedder