Things you should do

Ignore the fact that I'm wearing a full body suit of long underwear.

I've been listening to radiohead all day. I even dissected a rat spine while listening to OK Computer. Do you want to know why? Because torrents rock.

Torrents allowed me to get the entire discography of radiohead in the time it took me make dinner. And all I made was pasta. God loves the internet.

Speaking of God, check out 9 of the most badass bible verses . Pretty funny stuff.

very sneaky, moses. very sneaky indeed

So here is a real problem I have. It's about college kids who go to college but don't want to learn. I just don't understand it. I guess it is the next thing to do after highschool, y'know.. go to college. But I'm sure you've had this conversation before:

You: Hey man, what's going on?
Lametard: Nothin dude, I've got this stupid psychology paper to write.
You: Oh yeah, what's it about?
Lametard: I dunno, it's such a dumb class I hate it, I don't even pay attention to it. I just like to get blackout.
You: That's cool. What's your major, anyway?
Lametard: Psychology

See the issue? People go to college and don't care about what they are studying at all. They have majors that they aren't interested in. It's so silly to me. Why don't they persue an interest? Sure employers want to see a degree, but I think idiot-face might enjoy life a little more if he tried to do something that interested him instead of something that doesn't--and then focusing on drinking so much alcohol that he is officially unconcious.



Not that I'm against drinking. I'm just against it as a profession. As a major. As a concentration. I doubt you'll put the longest beruit streak that you've had in your resume.

But on the subject... If you do play beruit, you should bounce. Its terrible how few people bounce. It is the most satisfying accomplishment in alcohol-related sports. It's the equivalent of a head shot. A sack wack. Or scaring someone by jumping out from behind something. Bouncing is superior. Try it more often.


You want to know what else you should do? You should skydive. Honestly, it is the most surreal thing I've ever done. I'm constantly impressed by the things humans have done. The fact that I can get up that high, first of all, is unbelievable. But being able to jump from that height and not die? Ridiculous. Human's get so incredibly ill. That's not to say that other organisms aren't fiendish in their own right. I couldn't make honey, bees can. I couldn't maul your face off, bears could. I couldnt jump onto the top of the kitchen counter, cats can. But can a cat make an iPhone? Naw. Humans are amazing, I'm glad I'm one of them.

Its pretty neat how technology evolves. I think we probably owe our accomplishments to the fact that information can be stored. Like someone had a good idea and they wrote it down. So someone else built off of it. Ifso facto, I'm your boss.

And finally, you should crack your toes. If you crack your fingers then thats great. But cracking toes, in my oppinion, is superior. Cracking toes not only brings your lower extremities in from relative isolation, allowing you to develop a relationship with your feet (many people 'hate feet', these people are silly and the majority of their opinions should be disregarded). It is also more satisfying to crack your toes. A good crack coming out of such a small place, like your pinky toe, is deep and meaningful. Eventually you can just crack your toes by pushing your foot against the ground, a wall, or a loved one at the right angle. But I definitely suggest isolating each toe and seeing where it takes you.


And like that,
Hes gone