The art of the blog

Throughout an average day I'll have 850,000 thoughts. Some of them are worthless, while some are entertaining. The art of the blog is remembering the ones that are mildly amusing so that you can try and re-think them later. This is no easy task and I'm not good at it. That's why I'm usually, except for blogposts when I'm telling a story, just letting my thoughts wander, hoping to hit a few gems.

I mention this because I checked my notepad just now, vaguely remembering typing something in while intoxicated. I remember typing it in with the intention of writing about it so that you could all share my thoughts. Here is what it read.

"Peeing while flushing
Pats ill"

End quote.

So, without further adou, I will attempt to share with you the thoughts that I had on saturday night, when I drank more than I wanted to and woke up at about 640am on my friends couch.

Section 1: Peeing while flushing.

I remember admiring the fact that when I urinate, the stream is very efficient. Granted its not perfect, the stream seems to attempt a helical maneuver (actually its a double helix i think). In fact, it accomplishes it for at least two full rotations. Okay, one and a half. But the point is that my body is smarter than I am. It was probably doing that since I first began to pee. Now I have the ability to aim it at whatever I please. Write things in snow (although by the last few letters I usually run out of 'ink'). And most importantly, pee while walking.

For all these reasons,
1) helical stream (which leads to peelympics in the bathroom "how far can I walk back and still not hit rim?").
2) legibility of urine
3) dynamic urinary translocation capabilities

Males are not only superior but also more efficient in waste removal.

Also, I assume I probably jumped the gun and pressed the flush mechanism on the toilet before I was done, hence the thought and subsequent typage into phone. Its all very tricky because suddenly it becomes a game. Can I get it all out before the water leaves? Its a race against the clock. Plus not all toilets are set to the same difficulty. Sometimes it flies down, sometimes it takes its time (and maybe you need to hold the handle jig to make it complete the drainage).

Moral of section 1? Be glad you pee in a helix. Now test your skills, live on the edge, and flush before you finish.

Section 2: Pats are ill.

I don't watch sports. I don't really care who wins. Ever. But you know what I do like? Watching humans get incredibly ill at things. And i'm telling you, the patriots got ILL on saturday. like ridiculous. Brady faked that one hand off to jabroni and then passed it to guydude. It was flawless. It looked perfect. And then that guy who caught the ball with one hand? It honestly looked like madden. Like once the ball got into a certain area the computer called it a catch and it just sort of moved exactly into place unrealistically. Except it was real. And it was ill.

So I like sports, kind of. I like how awesome they are at doing stuff. But I dont really care about the red sox winning or the patriots breaking records. It's cool, and congratulations to those who care. But i'm in it for the ridiculously talented superhuman capabililties. Too good.

Moral of section two? I may not know the stats of this guy and know in what year that dude did this. I may cheer for the wrong team if they do something cool. But everytime I actually take the time to watch a professional sport, I am really impressed and entertained by how awesome they are, and I'll comment on it like its the first time ive ever watched sports. You'll think I'm a n00b. But you don't know how to even use bittorrent so blow me.

Later